Wow, I am now 38!

38th.

Routines.

Regular day.

Same old me.

Except that yesterday I turned 38 on earth calendar days. Whew, 38 years of existence on planet Earth.

I didn't have time to reflect because it's just an ordinary day of same old routine. My whole day is still jam packed of things to do. I still work the same 8 hours shift. Yes, I go to work even if it is my birthday. Work on side hustles while my daughter is in school. Tried to clean and declutter the little apartment. Tried to doodle some ideas on my planner. And I think at the end of the day, I haven't accomplished anything more productive than the other day.

But no! I am not complaining. It is just that I really wanted some a little 'me' time. Like getting the whole day just for myself. I don't think I can have that this sooner, but I am hoping it might happen one of these days.

In the meantime, while I am looking forward for that day, last night was another story to tell. I am getting exhausted to this new job assignment. I am overwhelmed and seems like I am too slow to learn now. Which got me thinking last night on what to do next. Should I stay and have this feeling of anxiety everyday, over and over again? Or should I quit? If I quit, what should I do next? You all know that we are currently living on a single income. And losing this source of household income will turn everything in spiral downhill. These are the times when I hate why I do not have other options.

Our current passive income from money rentals and other investment are not yet enough to cover all the bills and expenses. Plus, we are still on the building phase - upping our savings and more investment. Yes, we do live a frugal lifestyle and continue to live debt-free, but without my current salary from being an employee, this is still a big blow to our finances.

Now I am torn. To be honest, I could not figure out what should I do next. I pray that I may be able to think of a remedy to this situation or at least be able to feel a little at ease with things that's going on around me.

Oh this birthday blues.

Anyway, I do have more things to be thankful for the 38 years I am here. I have a supportive and loving family from both side. I have a sweet daughter. I have a loving husband. And FEW friends who has remain with me through thick and think and has never judged my choices in life.

As I aged, my choices and point of view in life has unconsciously changed as well. I hope that it is bringing out the better version of me. Not perfect, but better than myself yesterday. And to this new year of my life, I hope to be fearless with what I really wanted. That is to have MORE options! :)

ctto: google photos