Working On My Options

Remember when I mentioned that I wanted to have an OPTION?

I am thinking about the topic since that day I posted it. I can feel the sense of urgency to rethink about the possibilities because I have been feeling for the longest time (actually it's just been 3 months) an anxiety to my current job post. I have been moved to a different team. New team members. Newly acquired company account. And because I am no longer as competitive and aggressive as before, I feel like I am not suited for the job description. Thus, I equate the job function as stressful. Dreadful.  Besides, ever since I embarked myself to improving my our personal finance, my priorities had unconsciously changed. I don't know, but it eventually turned me into someone who wanted to develop myself personally.

I have already waned from the old self who always wanted to be at the top of the any game. Or maybe because I aged that status quo is no longer a priority? That all I wanted now is to be at peace with myself and my own self contentment.

Anyway, as it went to, I have been reading a lot about the OPTION I wanted to have. While I really wanted to just stay at home and make most of my time, I knew from the very start that this is not going to happen sooner. I have to still have a job that feels like not working at all. But what it is?

Every time I step out of the office, I keep thinking, on possibilities of being out of the job I have right now. Sure, my salary is above the minimum and also been the single source of income for a family of three and extensions. That should be enough to motivate me to work harder and stay on this job, right? It is a single source of a household income and paying all the bills that we have - rent, electricity, Internet, food, school fees, entertainment and other miscellaneous. It also includes a monthly stipend to my parents. Also where we were able to save up and invest a portion. It does sounds really good. And honestly, I am thankful for this job I have. Really. It is already an envy of the many.

So why do I have this feeling? Am I greedy for something else? Am I not contented with what I have? Am I not grateful for the blessings that I have?

Truth is, I do not know too. I have been contemplating whether because there is an evil playing in my mind and making me feel like I should I ask for more or because I am 38 and there is so much I wanted to do but can't because I worked 40 hours a week and time is passing so fast I can't keep up? Or because I am reading a lot of blogs about FIRE and I interpret them to be anti-work?

Complex, right? I actually can't pinpoint which from those is the cause. What I know is that I really need guidance what to do next. I just can't stay in this phase for a long time.

Last night, I thought about job hunting and shift career. It actually excites me to look for something else and to have an option. At the same time, having this fear of what if I find something but the salary is not the same? What if the result is not what I expect to be? Will it make me happy? Am I selfish to think only about how I feel and what I want? There will be no turning back once I gave up the job I have. But at least I can try. I hope my gut feeling will kick in if it is truly meant for me.

Our current savings and investment is not yet enough for an early retirement and I get the calculations, it will take me another 10 years to finally be able to have a safety cushion for the next 20 years of retirement. That is if we choose not to work for the rest of our lives and just living on a budget. Definitely not the way we wanted a retirement should be.

Google’s definition for option is a thing that is or may be chosen. It is synonymous to choice, alternative, recourse, or possibility. But I am more fascinated with the freedom of choice, the power to choose, and the right to choose as its meaning.

They say that possibilities are endless, we just have to look forward and see the things in a different perspective. To which I agree. I was able to learn crochet which I thought was complicated. But I was so eager to learn that I spent time researching and learning the techniques.

 I am debt-free because I have chosen to stop borrowing money and to live below the means. 

And now I am choosing to work on a lesser stressful job.  How am I going to that?

I’d like to think that I can pattern the method I have used when learning to crochet and being debt-free to this new endeavor. It had worked for me and over the years I find it that in any thing I wanted to be, I can do that with proper approach and due diligence to learn. I may have failed at some point, but I know I have learn something from it.

1. Know what I want to learn. Being able to determine what I really wanted will give me a clearer picture of results of my actions. My desire to want something even if it looks as if it is impossible to accomplish is the driver for me to action on it. We all have different things we wanted in life but just dreaming about it will not materialize no matter how many moons has past if we do not have the will to work on it.
2.  Read/Watch. Books, blogs, vlogs, social media, YouTube, and even magazines can be a source of knowledge. At this digital age, where Internet is within our grasp, learning is now accessible and literally within our fingertips. When we want to know about something, we google it. If we wanted to learn the “how to’s”, we google it. In the same way, if we want to learn something new, we look for a good read or watch a good clip. These instructables are very helpful. I just need to figure out how to learn best.
3. Learn by doing it whenever possible. Slowly apply the concepts in actual. After all, experience is the best teacher in life. The start up is both easy and difficult. The fire in me is there to push forward but when I encountered a difficult step, I get frustrated. A lot of times, I stop it altogether, and abandoned the idea. But this step will not make me go near my end goal. The lessons learned as I progress should be able to motivate me to move further.
4. Find a community to learn with and who can mentor as well. I follow certain groups in Facebook both on my personal finance learning and crochet journey. People share their ideas and their personal experiences to certain topics. Or I can ask questions to gather more information. When I started with personal finance, I have no one to turn into. The subject about money is a taboo to almost everyone I knew before. Gradually, actual people around me started to open up if they have something they wanted to know about. I don’t give a perfect advice but I can share few tidbits on certain topics now. And it is for free. They would tell me to try being a financial adviser to which I declined a lot.
5.  Be consistent. That’s just it. I just need to repeat the cycle to get the end results I wanted.

To summarize, it boils down to what triggers me to learn or the change I wanted to happen. This will also give me the option for something else. Isn’t it wonderful if we have option rather than being stuck somewhere?

Wow, I am now 38!

38th.

Routines.

Regular day.

Same old me.

Except that yesterday I turned 38 on earth calendar days. Whew, 38 years of existence on planet Earth.

I didn't have time to reflect because it's just an ordinary day of same old routine. My whole day is still jam packed of things to do. I still work the same 8 hours shift. Yes, I go to work even if it is my birthday. Work on side hustles while my daughter is in school. Tried to clean and declutter the little apartment. Tried to doodle some ideas on my planner. And I think at the end of the day, I haven't accomplished anything more productive than the other day.

But no! I am not complaining. It is just that I really wanted some a little 'me' time. Like getting the whole day just for myself. I don't think I can have that this sooner, but I am hoping it might happen one of these days.

In the meantime, while I am looking forward for that day, last night was another story to tell. I am getting exhausted to this new job assignment. I am overwhelmed and seems like I am too slow to learn now. Which got me thinking last night on what to do next. Should I stay and have this feeling of anxiety everyday, over and over again? Or should I quit? If I quit, what should I do next? You all know that we are currently living on a single income. And losing this source of household income will turn everything in spiral downhill. These are the times when I hate why I do not have other options.

Our current passive income from money rentals and other investment are not yet enough to cover all the bills and expenses. Plus, we are still on the building phase - upping our savings and more investment. Yes, we do live a frugal lifestyle and continue to live debt-free, but without my current salary from being an employee, this is still a big blow to our finances.

Now I am torn. To be honest, I could not figure out what should I do next. I pray that I may be able to think of a remedy to this situation or at least be able to feel a little at ease with things that's going on around me.

Oh this birthday blues.

Anyway, I do have more things to be thankful for the 38 years I am here. I have a supportive and loving family from both side. I have a sweet daughter. I have a loving husband. And FEW friends who has remain with me through thick and think and has never judged my choices in life.

As I aged, my choices and point of view in life has unconsciously changed as well. I hope that it is bringing out the better version of me. Not perfect, but better than myself yesterday. And to this new year of my life, I hope to be fearless with what I really wanted. That is to have MORE options! :)

ctto: google photos

Life's Update 09/01/2018

I have been working for almost 10 years now in my present company. The length of years didn't bother me at all nor I have gone tired of it. Unlike in my previous company where towards the end of my 4th year, I was literally dragging myself to go to work in the morning. I remember dreading to wake up each morning because I could almost taste my disdain to work.

The shifting schedule, I think help me get through the years to sustain my drive to work.

To be honest though, this few weeks, have me a little feeling of getting tired. I think, my mind is feeding me to get a rest and spend. Hahaha.

But, this is not yet the time. I have just finished paying the appliances we acquired because we've just move in to a new apartment. Aha! Finally, a solo family life alone in the apartment.

I could say, that it is expensive to have our own. And 4 months in the new apartment is something we wanted to be able to know our own exact bills and other expenses.

There were talks of getting our own house, but were all dismissed. First, we still do not know where exactly to settle. Second, we do not want to have a mortgage of more than 20 years. So, at the moment we continue to save and invest. Third, I know having our own house will save us big time in the future but having a mortgage and at the same time budgeting for the family's expenses is another thing to consider.

Also, with the recent development in our group at work, I am having second thought of continuing my service. Or maybe I'd be out of work sooner than I can think. Whichever comes first which is the reason behind I have fear of getting something this big and then come a time, the house will be foreclose.

Well, I am no longer incline to moving up. That's the truth. I wanted to spend more time doing something I wanted. But the bills are really getting in. Sigh.

We are currently living on a single household income. Though my husband finds time to sell. Also, I have few side income streams but the income is seasonal on these small time businesses.

I have been on a series of online job hunting, too, looking for some stable income online at home. To start my online income streams, this will require me a lot more time for internet to feel my presence. I know it is saturated right now with millions of people around the globe trying to enter the online world.

I know it isn't easy but might as well try my luck.:)