Working On My Options

Remember when I mentioned that I wanted to have an OPTION?

I am thinking about the topic since that day I posted it. I can feel the sense of urgency to rethink about the possibilities because I have been feeling for the longest time (actually it's just been 3 months) an anxiety to my current job post. I have been moved to a different team. New team members. Newly acquired company account. And because I am no longer as competitive and aggressive as before, I feel like I am not suited for the job description. Thus, I equate the job function as stressful. Dreadful.  Besides, ever since I embarked myself to improving my our personal finance, my priorities had unconsciously changed. I don't know, but it eventually turned me into someone who wanted to develop myself personally.

I have already waned from the old self who always wanted to be at the top of the any game. Or maybe because I aged that status quo is no longer a priority? That all I wanted now is to be at peace with myself and my own self contentment.

Anyway, as it went to, I have been reading a lot about the OPTION I wanted to have. While I really wanted to just stay at home and make most of my time, I knew from the very start that this is not going to happen sooner. I have to still have a job that feels like not working at all. But what it is?

Every time I step out of the office, I keep thinking, on possibilities of being out of the job I have right now. Sure, my salary is above the minimum and also been the single source of income for a family of three and extensions. That should be enough to motivate me to work harder and stay on this job, right? It is a single source of a household income and paying all the bills that we have - rent, electricity, Internet, food, school fees, entertainment and other miscellaneous. It also includes a monthly stipend to my parents. Also where we were able to save up and invest a portion. It does sounds really good. And honestly, I am thankful for this job I have. Really. It is already an envy of the many.

So why do I have this feeling? Am I greedy for something else? Am I not contented with what I have? Am I not grateful for the blessings that I have?

Truth is, I do not know too. I have been contemplating whether because there is an evil playing in my mind and making me feel like I should I ask for more or because I am 38 and there is so much I wanted to do but can't because I worked 40 hours a week and time is passing so fast I can't keep up? Or because I am reading a lot of blogs about FIRE and I interpret them to be anti-work?

Complex, right? I actually can't pinpoint which from those is the cause. What I know is that I really need guidance what to do next. I just can't stay in this phase for a long time.

Last night, I thought about job hunting and shift career. It actually excites me to look for something else and to have an option. At the same time, having this fear of what if I find something but the salary is not the same? What if the result is not what I expect to be? Will it make me happy? Am I selfish to think only about how I feel and what I want? There will be no turning back once I gave up the job I have. But at least I can try. I hope my gut feeling will kick in if it is truly meant for me.

Our current savings and investment is not yet enough for an early retirement and I get the calculations, it will take me another 10 years to finally be able to have a safety cushion for the next 20 years of retirement. That is if we choose not to work for the rest of our lives and just living on a budget. Definitely not the way we wanted a retirement should be.

Google’s definition for option is a thing that is or may be chosen. It is synonymous to choice, alternative, recourse, or possibility. But I am more fascinated with the freedom of choice, the power to choose, and the right to choose as its meaning.

They say that possibilities are endless, we just have to look forward and see the things in a different perspective. To which I agree. I was able to learn crochet which I thought was complicated. But I was so eager to learn that I spent time researching and learning the techniques.

 I am debt-free because I have chosen to stop borrowing money and to live below the means. 

And now I am choosing to work on a lesser stressful job.  How am I going to that?

I’d like to think that I can pattern the method I have used when learning to crochet and being debt-free to this new endeavor. It had worked for me and over the years I find it that in any thing I wanted to be, I can do that with proper approach and due diligence to learn. I may have failed at some point, but I know I have learn something from it.

1. Know what I want to learn. Being able to determine what I really wanted will give me a clearer picture of results of my actions. My desire to want something even if it looks as if it is impossible to accomplish is the driver for me to action on it. We all have different things we wanted in life but just dreaming about it will not materialize no matter how many moons has past if we do not have the will to work on it.
2.  Read/Watch. Books, blogs, vlogs, social media, YouTube, and even magazines can be a source of knowledge. At this digital age, where Internet is within our grasp, learning is now accessible and literally within our fingertips. When we want to know about something, we google it. If we wanted to learn the “how to’s”, we google it. In the same way, if we want to learn something new, we look for a good read or watch a good clip. These instructables are very helpful. I just need to figure out how to learn best.
3. Learn by doing it whenever possible. Slowly apply the concepts in actual. After all, experience is the best teacher in life. The start up is both easy and difficult. The fire in me is there to push forward but when I encountered a difficult step, I get frustrated. A lot of times, I stop it altogether, and abandoned the idea. But this step will not make me go near my end goal. The lessons learned as I progress should be able to motivate me to move further.
4. Find a community to learn with and who can mentor as well. I follow certain groups in Facebook both on my personal finance learning and crochet journey. People share their ideas and their personal experiences to certain topics. Or I can ask questions to gather more information. When I started with personal finance, I have no one to turn into. The subject about money is a taboo to almost everyone I knew before. Gradually, actual people around me started to open up if they have something they wanted to know about. I don’t give a perfect advice but I can share few tidbits on certain topics now. And it is for free. They would tell me to try being a financial adviser to which I declined a lot.
5.  Be consistent. That’s just it. I just need to repeat the cycle to get the end results I wanted.

To summarize, it boils down to what triggers me to learn or the change I wanted to happen. This will also give me the option for something else. Isn’t it wonderful if we have option rather than being stuck somewhere?