Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Let Me Vent A Little

Married for 6 years.

And a little girl who's going to enter elementary this coming school year.

Currently renting an apartment.

No vehicle here in our rented place.

Fixed Bills (Electricity, Internet and Post Paid Line)

Parents' monthly stipend.

Single income household.

My premise at the moment.

In a span of 6 years, a lot has changed. Motherhood has changed me drastically. Personal finance has significantly changed my money view. It eventually lead me to live a debt-free life which I am enjoying right now. There are bills to pay. There are savings and investments we set aside each and every month.

One thing though hasn't changed.

For all my working life, I have been the breadwinner of the family. Yes, I am the eldest. And now that I have a family of my own, it slightly changed. From my parents' point of view. Nonetheless, it is almost the same scenario. Allow me to vent out a little.


Recently, both parents has been sick. One of my sibling with her child live with them. Another one just a town away with his own family. We have a feud way back involving his mother-in-law and his wife. My brother and I eventually settled it. My sister in law and I just became civil a little over a month ago. She doesn't attend any family gatherings where I am there. Maybe because 'nahihiya' of what she did to parents. I won't elaborate more. My parents weren't perfect. And they always say in tears, "Porke ba mahirap lang kami, ganito lang". But they are okay now.


 Families, I know there will be time that we don't talk. Have some inevitable quarrels. After all, though we were raised in the same roof, we have different experiences and outlook to what has transpired. Unique individuals. We are shaped by what we have experience. The environment we thrived in. And so on and so forth.

When the parents were sick, my family (husband, little girl and I) is away. I begged the brother to visit them and bring them to the doctor. He has the means. He said yes, but it didn't happened until we came home. He was busy constructing his newly built home. I was so frustrated. (Tambak talaga ako ng suliranin these days...) And disappointed because it would have prevented a much bigger amount of expenditures.

My father has already seen a doctor and did a series of laboratory test. He is taking his medicines now. However, my challenge is on my mother. I got her to the doctor after I get mad because she wouldn't want to go to the hospital. And since it's been three weeks, her condition needed more test and treatment.


I dig up on my emergency fund. There is no worry, I have money saved.

But this situation made me realized further more.

One, I need to save up more on my emergency fund because no one will be able to help me, or my family, or parents when something happened. God forbid.

Though we are four children, life is now getting in the way. This is a testament of real life. The sad reality of when parents are old. Please don't judge us. If you don't experience this, I am happy for you.

Two, my parents are old and I need a lot of patience. They are stubborn when it comes to going to the doctor. I always tell them, that life evolved. There are social changes. Environment changes. Technology changes. What was working well on their hey days, some are no longer applicable. The doctor said, one of the cause of the severe flare is stress. Tanong ng nanay ko sa akin' "Bakit nuon wala naman yang stress stress na yan?" Actually, there been a lot of source of stress for her lately. This involved my cousins and grandmother, but I won't be elaborating further here.


Three. If I resign this early, I will not be able to save more? It's a question which is bugging me for quiet sometime now. You can read previous post. Isasapalaran ko ba ang comfort ng family ko at ng parents ko? Will there be life after I leave this present job? Will I regret my decision to resign? And a lot of what ifs?

My planned month to leave my work is June just right in time when my little girl goes back to school in July. Yet, until now, I haven't had a solid response from all my applications. I am 38 and if I live in the next 25 years, what I have set aside is still not enough to cover all my expenses. I need a replacement job.

The question now is, if I postpone my resignation, kakayanin ko pa ba? The stress this job function is giving me is undeniably worse. It's giving me sleepless nights. I know that no matter how I try to learn and understand everything about it, I am really finding it difficult to keep up.





Wednesday, October 21, 2015

A Renovation or Make Over In Order

I was on a deep thought for quiet sometime. And then I searched my own blog via google. It's url is freedom and self worth and it left me wondering how come a personal finance blog is entitled as such. And then I remember. When I started creating this blog, it was those times that I felt I have a lost a friend. An indeed I really lost her for life. I lost her because it is my fault. I came in one day, not in the best mode to speak nor chat. I just wanted silence because I have so many things swirling in my head. And then the same thing happened the next day. And then the following days. I could not just pull myself together and I was lost. I felt like I have lost my own self worth. I am in the lowest of lowest self esteem. Until, it became the usual instance that I never talk to her again. I diverted myself to writing, and thus this blog was born.

I have asked her an apology but maybe the impact was not just a crack that can be put back together. Maybe, it was chipped out and I can no longer find that piece. Anyway, I can see, she's happy now. And I am happier too even though she's no longer a part of my life but will forever be a part of who I am.

I can now look directly in her eyes after like an unending making ways of not crossing her path. And she smiles back once in a while. I guess it will be like this until we no longer see each other anymore.

So now, I am contemplating of completely renovating or doing a make over of this blog site to include more pieces of what I think. A portion to direct how things are outside of being walking the path to financially free, like simply enjoying something. And I guess I will need to learn some more tips on how to blog. I just love it. Writing my thoughts, how I feel, and just everything in my head. I love how I tap the keyboard and the sounds it makes when I tap.

It is refreshing to just release all the tensions and stresses of life. I thank God for everything. The way He made me realized how important 2014 was in terms of having to start the road to financial freedom. The thoughts of sustaining the real friendships this year. And the patience to understand how miracles keeps unfolding each day to my life and the lives of my loved ones.

It's amazing to just realize the beauty of what we have. Yes, we do not own a house yet for us to live as a little family. But I am thankful for our parents who are giving us the incredible support. We don't own a car yet, (I have a car, but I have given it to my parents), but I am hopeful that someday, we can have one. Besides, at least when I commute I just get to enjoy the green scenery of TPLEX.

I am giving myself the expectation that this blog site will turn into something new before the year ends. More to life. More to sharing random thoughts and happiness.

Cheers. God Bless. :)