Today Is My Birthday!

Yey, happy 34th birthday to me. 11:30 AM, Thursday of January 22, the very same day as today is my natal day. First born to my parents. Yes. 34 years on earth. Same month, Pope John Paul II visited the Philippines, year 1981 as what my mother told me. There are only bits and pieces of my early childhood and can no longer distinguish if those actually happened or just dreams, but, I am thankful for those who took time to take care of me while my parents had to work for us. I know my little girl right now, may not remember how my heart aches and how I tried to stopped those tears from falling whenever I had to leave her for a 5-day work, but I know someday, when she too, become a mother, she will know how it feels.

So, what exactly have I learned in the past 34 years of my life? Have I grown wiser in my decision skills? Have I found my purpose in life? Have I contributed something in this world? And so on... And I can not answer yet most of those questions popping up my head. All I know is that, I am grateful for the 34 years of existence. The exprience, the journey, the feelings, towards motherhood is something I can't ever exchange with anything else. It is the most wonderful feeling especially when I first held my very own child in my arms. And she is teaching me a lot. Wondering how this little girl teaches me?

That love is unconditional. I pour her my love. May not be enough but I try my best. When I go home, she give me a tight hug and those precious smile reaching her eyes are love. That altough time is very limited, it is a quality time spend with her. (No social media/internet) That there is her trust in me define in her innocent eyes whenever she ask for help on anything. (She's an explorer now) That there is a future we look forward together. I will always be forever grateful to God for giving us her. She is our bundle of joy. And my husband often tells me that 'lahat ng pagod talagang nawawala kapag kasama siya'.

Last year was a blast. I personally learned that I can be better with my finances and the couple finances. That I can control my expenses. That I can influence my husband as well. I dipped my toes to those I feared before such as MF. I took financial challenges I dreaded before such as insurances. I tried to save as much as I can.

That there are friends who will bid goodbyes eventually no matter how much I tried to make them stay. I don't have those wednesday dates or thursdays like the movie of POpoy and Basha.  And so I learned that some people really stays in my life for a certain unknown reasons even if I don't try much.

That at this point in my life, I need to work even on my birthday because I made bad decisions in the past that is preventing me to spare a day in my life not to work. I have to for our future. We have goals to achieve.

That I can always give even though I thought I can't. Because I know exactly how it feels to have nothing. It is a mindsetting. Like, having a ready biscuits in my bag everytime, so when someone asks for food, I have it handy. I remember the first time it actually hit me. I was on a jeep, and there was this young boy asking for food. No one from the passenger actually give, including me. My mind was set for all these types of youngster begging as a syndicate driven activities. But as the jeep speeds off, I felt the guilt pang. He was not asking for money, he was asking for food. Maybe, he had not eaten for the day. I was not sure. And starting that day, I told myself, I will pray for His wisdom to know the difference and for me to change my mindsetting about it.

That wrinkles are inevitable. Hahaha. It just shows the progress of my life. The path that I walked on. And that someday, I know I am not a beauty, but physical appearance fades and what remains is what we really are.

That I am grateful to everyone who are part of my life and those in one way or another unintentionally hurt me or hurt them. I have so many people in my life to be thankful to. And I pray that He continues to bless them.

And most of all I thank God for everything. His delay answers to my prayers for it thought me how to be patient. For letting me experience how to be buried in debts, so I can be a better steward of His blessings. For giving me pains when friends go away so I'll know that I have Him no matter what. For having me work on my birthday so I know that each day is a decision affecting the future me and us as a whole. For letting me experience to have nothing at some point to exactly know the feeling of having nothing so I can learn to give. For showing me outside is only superficial so I can know more of myself and understand my footprints. For giving me my sweet little girl and my loving husband so I will know that despite there are life's struggles, love is abundant and can actually move a mountain.

Cheers to 34th. Smile. :)